


Fill my mouth with your name

by Sevynlira



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romantic Soulmates, Speechless Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 18:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17166803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevynlira/pseuds/Sevynlira
Summary: Cas can only say Dean's name.





	Fill my mouth with your name

**_Years ago_ **

 

Naomi holds the drill created entirely from grace and begins the tedious work of cleaning up the chaotic wreck that Castiel has made of his operating system. What a fucking joke. She knew better than to buy into the notions of free will. Those monkeys down planet got about ten choices out of a billion and celebrated their limited little range like it was a fucking prize. She knew better. And Castiel knew better. When he was himself. Twisting the drill she found the obedience submenu. Here is where she did most of her best work.  _ Set me as a seal upon thine heart. As a seal upon thine arm.  _ The flowery language rolls on in Enochian. Blah blah obeying El-ohim as an act of love. Wait. That wasn't El-ohim. She turns the drill. There. Castiel bucks in the chair and screams the name that he has sat as a seal upon his heart. The one he obeys as an act of love. She raises a brow. It isn’t the unique and only God. That was going to be a bitch to reprogram. How in hell had Castiel managed to let his own emotions and will dig this deep? Its right at the very root at what makes an angel what they are. Shaking her head with a furrowed brow, she rolls up her sleeves. Time to get to work.

 

**_Present day_ **

 

Cas has a mini heart attack as he lunges into the room where Dean struggles to throw off the hooded priest. They had been working to disband a cult of old Norse god worshippers and they had been a pain in the ass from the start. Trudging out to the middle of the woods in the middle of the night sucks. He inwardly laughs at his mental monologue because even he can hear his thoughts in Dean’s voice. 

 

His distraction costs him and before he can react, he is picked up and tossed directly into a tree. It would have been nothing at all to him, except a thin branch has just impaled his eye and rammed straight through his orbital socket, shattering the lacrimal bone and spearing right into the soft tissue of his brain. He screams out for help. DEAN! And then the world goes dark as he loses consciousness.

 

**_Two hours later_ **

 

Sam is going to strangle Dean if he doesn't stop that goddamn pacing. They had wrangled poor Cas into the Impala and made the decision to remove the branch. Now they just hoped that angel mojo would do its thing. Cas isn't showing any human symptoms of massive brain injury. No seizures, no fever, nothing to indicate that he was having a brain bleed or swelling. His eyeball had healed. He just was unconscious. And since they don't have any angel paramedics on call, they had to leave it at that. 

 

Just before Sam has to commit fratricide, Cas sits straight up on the motel bed. He looks hale and hearty and seems to do a quick inventory of his body. 

Dean immediately slides beside him on the bed. “Hey Cas. Holy shit. Man, you scared us. Are you ok?”

 

Cas opens his mouth to confirm that everything seems to be in working order. Only instead of saying that, his mouth says “Dean”. 

 

Cas blinks in surprise and tries again, “Dean”. 

 

His eyes flare wide as it dawns on him that this is apparently the only word he can say. 

 

The brothers frown at him in confusion. 

“I’m right here buddy. What is it? What's wrong?” Dean asks, growing more concerned by the moment. 

 

Cas makes a small whimper and repeats the hunter's name in a whisper. He raises his hand to his mouth in distress.

 

“Is that the only thing you can say?” Dean prompts. 

 

Cas nods.

 

“It was the last thing he said before he passed out. Maybe he is stuck in some kind of loop because of that?” Dean suggests with an edge of panic in his voice.

 

Sam, currently the only one in the room that isn't freaking out, grabs some hotel stationary and a pen. He thrusts them into Cas’ hand. “Here. Can you write to us?”

 

Cas concentrates and begins to write, frowning down at the paper. Sam and Dean look over his shoulder. “English Cas?”

 

He concentrates harder and then shakes his head and hands them the paper. The page is scrolled lines of intricate Enochian studded with his word of the day. “Dean”

 

Sam studies the sheet for a moment. “It's repeating. These Enochian phrases. He is writing the same thing over and over. Huh.” Sam turns to the men sitting on the bed. “We need to get back to the bunker, I will translate this and we will have supplies and space to fix it. Whatever it is.” His face is determined as he reaches to squeeze his brother’s arm. He can feel him unraveling with worry over their friend. He would figure this out, he promises them silently before gathering his things for the return home.

 

They are about sixty miles from the bunker when Dean has almost had enough of cracking himself up by asking Cas questions he can only answer with his name. “Hey Cas, who in this car has the best taste in awesome music?” Cas’ tone says he is so done with his shit, but he answers because Dean crows with joy. “Damn right. Dean friggin Winchester. I am a rock god”.  Both of his passengers groan and roll their eyes. Then Cas forgets to stop staring at Dean as he revels in the ridiculous joke. He likes playing along with this silliness because watching Dean laugh is like stepping into sunshine. Cas stares and the corners of his mouth hint at joy because even though they are going through yet another trial, he is happy.

 

**_Two days later_ **

 

Cas is not happy. Sam and Dean are engaged in a screaming match in the map room. “You are NOT going to drill into his head! He isn’t some robot and we aren't those dickhead feathered freaks!” Dean’s face painted with stark fear as he shouts into his brother’s face.

 

“We don't have a choice. This is programming language.” Sam gestures to the battered piece of hotel stationary that he had been studying for  two days. It's the same shit we saw when Alfie wore the halo. Something in his language center is tangled and he is repeating a command line. If we can fix it, he won't be left without a way to communicate, Dean. It's not fair to just leave him like this!”

 

“We communicate just fine, don't we Cas?” Dean turns his head and addresses the spot where Cas had been hanging back and listening. Cas answers the only way he can, with a frustrated “Dean”. 

 

Surprisingly, it's actually not too far from the truth. Dean has always been a physical person and not one for words. Anticipating what Cas needs and wants seems to be a function of how much they watch each other. More than once, Dean had gripped his shoulder or hand and said “Don't worry, I will remind Sam to look at that new Thursday book we picked up. It's got you in it and might mention something.” and “Cas, I know your eye is fine, but I think anointing with holy oil might boost healing or something.” 

 

It was astounding really, how well Dean could navigate the world of Cas without needing words. Sometimes, shamefully, Cas was grateful for his problem. Like when Dean cups his jaw and lifts his face. When he presses his thumbs so gently sealing his eyelids with holy oil. When Dean lingers and waits for those blue eyes to open again and that sacred oil reaches to warm and soothe his grace. It's a relief to breathe his name as he presses his holy fingers against Cas’ lips. It's so perfect to taste his skin and say it again as the oil slips between his teeth to touch his silenced tongue. This is an attempt to heal, to unlock his mind and mouth. He finds nothing but the freedom to keep chanting that name. If they stand there and Dean silently gazes at the anointed curve of Cas’ mouth. Well, he was watching for a cure. And who would Cas tell? In that moment there is nothing but “Dean. Dean….”

 

Sam is right. They have to take the chance. He can’t go on forever without words. Quietly, he moves to stand beside Sam. Dean's fear collapses into anger and he scoffs, then takes off for his own room to go hit things probably.

 

Sam turns to Cas. “I can't find any other way of fixing this Cas. If there is any other resource you know of, you can lead me to it. This is completely up to you. Its your head.” 

 

Cas just shakes his head and shrugs. This makes sense. Something stuck in his vessels brain. That brain is tethered to himself. He can't operate this vessel until they go back in and fix it. 

 

He is still terrified. The vision of the drill coming at his face has enough power to paralyze. They are going to do it tomorrow. 

 

While the humans sleep, he is left to chant his talisman to the chilly room and curl his knees up to his chest. And try to stop his trembling and rocking.

 

Then Dean is there. As if conjured by the constant flow of Cas calling his name. His hands pull Cas to his feet and guide him to the warmer bedroom where Dean pulls him silently between sheets that smell like home. Cas shivers and buries his face against Dean's neck. Slowly, the terror subsides and Dean's body warms them both. His hands rub Cas’ back in steady sweeps. Cas forgets about the drill for a little while in the heady perfection of counting his heartbeats as they slow. Dean sleeps and Cas memorizes the feel of the arm draped over his waist.

 

Today is officially a shitty day. Cas arches in the restraints and screams before another round of Enochian. Dean returns to the room for the third time. He had to leave to go scream himself and punch a wall. This is too damn much. Sam has tears dripping off his chin but grits his teeth and pushes the spike another twisting inch. Fuck! There...oh fuck. There.

It's the Enochian! It's the phrase. The one Cas had written. They found it. Holy shit. Cas wails Dean's name and Sam flicks the pincers open to grip the tiny sliver of wood that is lodged there. Gently it's eased out and Cas continues to spill this entire portion of data. Only he switches to English. The language of his preferred company. The language he thinks in, more and more.  _ Set me as a seal upon thine heart. As a seal upon thine arm. For love is as strong as death. Many waters cannot quench love neither can the floods drown it. There is no love above Dean Winchester. For I am the keeper of your heart and my name is eternal in your heart.  _

 

Sam doesn't have the luxury of time to freak out about this particular development, so he only withdraws the spike and halo as fast as possible and focuses totally on getting the unconscious angel cleaned and all the equipment moved so that he never has to see it again, hopefully. He can't do anything about his stunned and emotionally wrecked brother, so he only offers a hug and a chair for him to rest and wait for his angel to wake. No question about that now. That is his angel. All the way down to the brain stem. Like it or not, Dean has replaced Chuck in that angel's schema. 

 

When Cas finally stirs, Dean's face is the first he sees. “Hello, Dean” he rumbles in a sleepy voice

 

“Did you just say hello?” Dean asks, already starting to grin.

 

“Yes.” Cas answers

 

“Well, as nice as it is to hear you saying my name, It’s so good to hear you talking.” Dean’s eyes are warm and teasing and he reaches to hold Cas’ hand.

 

Something is different. Cas squints down at the split skin over Dean’s knuckles. “Was there a fight?”

 

“Nah, I punched a wall. I never wanna see you being hurt like that again. Ever. That sucked. I thought you were gonna die. I am gonna have goddamn nightmares about that screaming.” he shakes his head and shudders at the memory.

 

“I’m sorry Dean. If there had been another way..” Cas frowns as a guilty shadow begins to creep up his face

 

“Hey. Stop that. It's not your fault, Cas. Hey.” Dean leans down and presses a kiss to Cas’ forehead. “Don't do that. It's over now and everyone is ok.” he murmurs against his skin.

 

Something is very different.

 

“Dean, what happened?” Cas scrunches his brow but he doesn't move away from Dean. It's too warm and smells too nice. It can't hurt to rest here. It's been a hard day.

 

“How much do you remember?” Dean asks, fiddling with Cas’ fingers distractedly.

 

“I remember all the way to choirs? Or wait. I remember the battle of hosts. But it gets really vague after that” Cas reaches to rub his forehead, but Dean recaptures his hand just in case he shouldn't be touching it just yet.

 

“Well, we reached the section you wrote about. Starting with  _ set me as a seal _ . Do you remember anything about that?”

 

Cas considers the phrase. “of course, it’s part of one of the original songs of heaven. They are deep truths. Angels were sealed to God in love. An eternal love. There was a human king who took the song and used it to sing to his human lover and it was a huge scandal in heaven. Even rumors that he had an angel lover to teach him the song in the first place.” Cas pauses and says softly to himself, “ _ Many waters cannot quench love. _ The song is in me? I am not surprised. It’s in our very being to love God like this and that song is old. So old. Part of the beginning of things.”

 

“Cas. Listen. A portion of that song has been changed. In you.” Dean looks away to gather himself for his next statement. “The song doesn't mention Chuck. Or God. Its changed.” Dean flicks his eyes back to Cas’ surprised face. “Your song says there is no love above Dean Winchester.” 

 

Silence falls as they both consider exactly what this all means. “Dean…”

 

“Cas” Dean interrupts and places his hands atop Castiel's. “The stuff you say in the middle of a medical procedure and against your will...they don’t count. Not unless you say so. It’s not fair to consider any of it as anything but some babbling. But Cas, I just. I wanna say” Dean swallows and raises his hand to brush his thumb over Castiel's cheekbone. “I wouldn't mind. If that were true. If you felt that way.”

 

Cas licks his suddenly dry lips and reaches to press Dean's hand against his face. Closing his eyes, he nods in affirmation. “It is, Dean. I have set you as a seal on my heart. I won't ever not love you.”

 

Just kissing Cas is not enough, so Dean crawls onto the bed to hold him close. Just touching Cas’ hair is not enough, so Dean gathers a fistful to tug and tangle it and marvel in its softness. The tender press of their hands and mouths heats to rough fists and biting sucks before it calms between them, for now. 

 

Lying cradled in Dean's arms, Cas suddenly bursts out laughing.

 

“What?” Dean asks, his face amused

 

“I would absolutely love to go back in time and see Naomi's face when she heard that song. Haha! I bet she shouted. A lot. Blasphemy!”

 

Dean cracks up at the image and then sobers. “That long ago Cas? Seriously”

 

“Yes, Dean. Why do you think she had me kill you so many times? My guess is she was trying to override what was there.” Cas chuckles “she failed miserably”

 

Dean already needs more kisses so he steals them from the edge of Cas’ jaw. 

 

_ Love is stronger than Death. _ Cas whispers and holds his hunter close.

  
  



End file.
